Quick question....If someone will do it for them... Why do they have to do it for themselves? Do you solve your child's problems for them OR do you encourgae them to solve them on their own? When you predict a catastrophe do you step-in to help them to avoid a consequence? When you feel like it will cause them OR you embarrasement do you provide a safety net? If your child begins to appear uncomfortable...Do you suggest a different approach? What if they are upset or frustrated - Do you decide to solve their problem on your own? How long do you allow them to struggle and tolerate their emotion? What are the pros and cons of stepping-in? Does your child tend to approach life's problems passively? Under stress, do they demand that YOU or someone else solve his or her problems for them?
On the reverse, do you give your child the perception that things need to be solved completely on their own? Do you allow mistakes or is there a requirement of perfection? Do they know when to ask for help? Do they know how to ask for help? Does your child feel like they are left alone to fail? Is your child to independent to rely on other people? Does your child appear to be able to handle something, but internally they are falling apart? When confronted with a problem... Are YOU actively passive or to overly competent - What do you model? Are you afraid of people's reactions? Do you hate the thought of negative outcomes? Do you believe that a problem can be worked on and talked through? The dilemma of being actively passive or apparently competent in solving problems leaves your child feeling helpless and hopeless - Fearing being left alone to fail OR never learning to act effectively in solving their own problems and expecting you to do it for them. These are just some of the questions that come to mind when teaching our kids to regulate their own emotions and manage relationships. Give some of these questions consideration, and challenge yourself as a parent to consider allowing your child to better understand their decision-making skills. As always, please call with questions or concerns. Stacy
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