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Our small community does SO many things GREAT, BUT one of the things that I have appreciated over the last several months as a parent and professional is the hard work that so many have put into giving our kids the opportunity to serve others locally.
In a world that has a multitude of challenges, we all need to be more focused on raising kids that have the ability to empathize with someone else. According to Dr. David Walsh, PhD (http://drdavewalsh.com/posts/ask/228), researchers have documented that teens with higher levels of empathy are MORE likely to stand up for someone outside of their social group, be BETTER equipped to collaborate with their peers, and be compassionate problem-solvers...EVERYTHING that parents and educators want for them! Thank you from the bottom of my heart to those individuals in our community that have had our youth out helping paint, clean, move, and clean-up our neighborhoods. As parents, please continue to help support these efforts for our youth... If you are newly excited about raising empathetic children...Here are some GREAT strategies to get you started... 1. Consider regularly engaging in community service projects together. 2. Take an interest in those from various backgrounds facing many different types of challenges. **Have conversations about what is going on in the news....Talk about immigration, political issues, unemployment, homelessness, etc, and TRY to bring out an opposing argument. 3. Help your children understand that the world doesn’t revolve around them. **There is a MIDDLE-PATH between you matter AND no one else BUT you matters...FIND IT!!! 4. Encourage empathy for their peers. Ask them about their classmates and other peers. 5. Emphasize with your child the importance of really listening to others, especially those who may seem unfamiliar OR they don’t immediately understand. 6. Encourage children to consider the feelings of those who may be vulnerable AND give children some simple ideas for taking action...Role-play it, and practice IF...THEN scenarios. As always, call or stop by with questions or concerns. Stacy I am spending the summer taking a variety of college courses, and I am really excited about starting the school year.
My current class is entitled, Five Fabulous Skills for Your Students' Lifelong Success, and is based on the text by Thomas Hoerr, The Formative Five. Hoerr's main idea is that students that have developed grit, integrity, empathy, self-control, and the ability to embrace diversity are more likely to find success in life. After completing the assigned readings and assignments, it has got me reflecting on whether our students have the ability to EMBRACE DIVERSITY...DO they genuinely understand differences between cultures? If not, how can we do better as a community and as parents? As Hoerr (2017) argues, our world is becoming more diverse by the day, and those who succeed in life will be those that understand that difference. They will be those that are able to build trust with groups of people with whom they disagree, and collaborate with others who live in different parts of our country to solve some of our most daunting problems. They will be those individuals that go beyond just tolerating or accepting differences and EMBRACE them by learning, understanding, and appreciating those that are different. As parents, I tend to think that most of the time we do a sufficient job of teaching tolerance and acceptance, as long as it does not challenge us to be to uncomfortable in some of our core beliefs about the world...BUT what do we do when our personal values are challenged? How do we convey the importance of understanding and appreciating others? How do we learn to hold two completely opposite opinions about something with someone AND yet maintain a relationship that is mutually respectful? Our urge to notice and judge differences is immediate and acts as a barrier to building a connection and learning more about ourselves - How do we challenge ourselves to walk through this world together and not a part? In his text, Hoerr (2017) states that "embracing diversity means playing an active role in supporting the safety and dignity of others and ensuring that they are respected, AND making sure that we teach our children to do the same." Do we say one thing AND do something different? As a society, do we emphasize how we are alike or how we are different? Do we repeat a story that reinforces a stereotype and prevents us from gaining an understanding of someone else's perspective or circumstance? If you are interested in taking this a step further there are a lot of great resources that I would be happy to get to you. As always, please feel free to ask questions or stop by my office! Stacy
I am grateful for those individuals in our school district that are a "champion" for our kids everyday... "Leaving a legacy of relationships"...
Quick question....If someone will do it for them... Why do they have to do it for themselves? Do you solve your child's problems for them OR do you encourgae them to solve them on their own? When you predict a catastrophe do you step-in to help them to avoid a consequence? When you feel like it will cause them OR you embarrasement do you provide a safety net? If your child begins to appear uncomfortable...Do you suggest a different approach? What if they are upset or frustrated - Do you decide to solve their problem on your own? How long do you allow them to struggle and tolerate their emotion? What are the pros and cons of stepping-in? Does your child tend to approach life's problems passively? Under stress, do they demand that YOU or someone else solve his or her problems for them?
On the reverse, do you give your child the perception that things need to be solved completely on their own? Do you allow mistakes or is there a requirement of perfection? Do they know when to ask for help? Do they know how to ask for help? Does your child feel like they are left alone to fail? Is your child to independent to rely on other people? Does your child appear to be able to handle something, but internally they are falling apart? When confronted with a problem... Are YOU actively passive or to overly competent - What do you model? Are you afraid of people's reactions? Do you hate the thought of negative outcomes? Do you believe that a problem can be worked on and talked through? The dilemma of being actively passive or apparently competent in solving problems leaves your child feeling helpless and hopeless - Fearing being left alone to fail OR never learning to act effectively in solving their own problems and expecting you to do it for them. These are just some of the questions that come to mind when teaching our kids to regulate their own emotions and manage relationships. Give some of these questions consideration, and challenge yourself as a parent to consider allowing your child to better understand their decision-making skills. As always, please call with questions or concerns. Stacy I will be talking to grades (K-5) about personal safety over the next (3) weeks, which seems even more important today then ever as we hear from courageous men AND women that are coming forward, almost daily - Sharing memories that are difficult to hear, and confronting their abusers.
In order to prevent history from repeating itself it is vital that we make room for prevention. That we give our kids a safe space to talk about safe and healthy relationships and reinforce boundaries, as hard as it may be for us adults. As parents, these are difficult conversations, but I wanted to take some time to give some helpful tools that I have gained from my experience in working with kids, through the Jacob Wetterling Foundation, and the Gunderson Training Center. 1. Talk to your child about touches. It builds trust and opens conversations to create safe and healthy relationships. 2. Have a conversation with your child about the body safety rules - Ask them what they are AND review them frequently. 3. Teach CORRECT names for all body parts including private parts. Establish that private parts are different from the rest of their body. 4. Reinforce for your child that no one should touch or look at their private parts OR ask the child to touch or look at their private parts, even if it is someone the family knows. 5. Teach consent. 6. Explain that there are times when adults do touch kids’ private parts to keep them clean and healthy. If it is a clean and healthy touch, like at the doctor’s office or a diaper change, use it as a teachable moment and a reminder your family talks about touches. 7. Tell your child to shout “no” or “stop” when someone touches or asks to touch their body or private parts. If your child freezes and isn’t able to say no, it still isn’t their fault and they can still talk to an adult. 8. Identify at least 5 trusted adults your child can talk with about touches and have their questions answered. These (5) people should not be their friends... They should be adults whose brains are developed and are capable of helping with these situations that are hard and challenging to react to. 9. Listen to their gut or “uh-oh” feeling. If someone gives them this feeling, they should move away from that person and find a trusted adult. As adults, it is important that we validate their intuition...An invalidating response can create more problems and a struggle in setting boundaries. 10. Remind your child: Touches are NEVER a secret. There is a difference between a secret and a surprise... Give examples, and help them understand what the difference is. 11. Say "NO!" Get away, and tell an adult if someone tries to get you to break a safety rule AND keep telling until someone believes you. 12. Do not talk about touches as "good" or "bad" - This confuses kids, because the reality is that bad touches do not always feel bad. 13. Check first with a parent before accepting a ride, gift, or going to a friends house. 13. PARENTS... Please know where your kids are going... ASK QUESTIONS... You have the RIGHT to know the who, what, when AND where. 14. As parents we need to trust our own gut... We don't need to provide a "WHY" to our kids... If we feel a concern about a person or situation it is our job to say "NO"... To say "NO" without needing to give an explanation, and to say "NO" without having all the evidence that we need. 15. Practice "What/If" scenarios to help kids understand what to do and when, BUT don't use people they know as examples...Use broad examples and avoid using names. These conversations are not fun, and do not guarantee that abuse won't occur, BUT it will help to reduce the possibility of it AND give them the skills to do what they need to do IF something does happen. It is important that every kid has an opportunity to be SAFE. As always, please call with questions or concerns. Stacy Schepel School Social Worker March is National Professional Social Work Month. It is an opportunity for social workers across the country to spotlight the profession and highlight the important contributions they make to our communities.
I always say that if you haven’t been impacted by the work that a social worker does, you will at some point...Its just a matter of time. I have had a variety of amazing opporutnities to work in multiple different communities and settings, and the School is one of my favorites! I am blessed with great students, staff and families! I love my job, and am blessed with the opportunity to make an impact everyday. Please stop by my office anytime and let me know how I can help! Stacy There are countless reasons that being a parent is not easy - There are a lot of hard questions... Hard questions with answers that are even harder to say. As parents we deal today with the tragedy of another school shooting.
As tonight went on and I watched some of the news coverage, I started to ask myself some tough questions: What do I say to my kids? What do I tell them about their world? Do I respond with fear? Do I tell them the truth... Do I know the answers? Do I turn the news off... Do I leave it on? Do I bring it up OR Do I wait for them to say something? It is such a heavy topic... How do I start? After giving it some thought, I wanted to share a few ideas... 1. Ask your kids what their questions are before you give your opinion. Let them take the lead in asking questions so that you only give them the amount of information that is necessary to satisfy them. As parents, we tend to either share too little and leave them wondering, or over-explain. 2. Set a time to talk daily with no screens. 3. Be truthful with your kids that bad things do happen, but reassure them that many people are keeping them safe, including you, law enforcement and teachers. 4. Monitor how much exposure a child has to news reports of traumatic events, including these recent school shootings. 5. Review their ALICE training with them...Ask them questions, and encourage them to share what they have been taught - Remind them that they have the skills necessary to keep themselves safe. Every child responds to trauma differently. Most of our kids are quite resilient and will not miss a beat, but parents should be alert to any signs of anxiety that might suggest that a child might need more assistance. As always, call with questions or concerns. Stacy Last week, I was given an opportunity to listen to Alison Feigh from the Jacob Wetterling Foundation speak on the topic of social media. The training was a collaborative effort between the Southwest Crisis Center and the Luverne Community Foundation. It was full of some great resources for parents and professionals - Leaving my mind FULL of ideas and planning.
One of the things that I appreciated most was a discussion on how parents use technology. The reality is that we are not always the best role models - Frequently falling FAR below the line that we hold others so harshly to. Here are some great things to ask yourself... 1. When you are upset do you go straight to social media? 2. How do you solve your own problems? 3. Do you blame the other person involved OR do you look for how you have impacted the situation? 4. What do you do when your child comes home from school and complains about a friend/teacher/or coach - Do you immediately fix the problem OR do you just listen? Just some great questions... Things that I have reflected on, and wanted to pass on. The reality that I have learned is that as adults we are not much better then our kids...We need to do better and try harder - We need to lead by better example. |
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