I will be talking to grades (K-5) about personal safety over the next (3) weeks, which seems even more important today then ever as we hear from courageous men AND women that are coming forward, almost daily - Sharing memories that are difficult to hear, and confronting their abusers.
In order to prevent history from repeating itself it is vital that we make room for prevention. That we give our kids a safe space to talk about safe and healthy relationships and reinforce boundaries, as hard as it may be for us adults. As parents, these are difficult conversations, but I wanted to take some time to give some helpful tools that I have gained from my experience in working with kids, through the Jacob Wetterling Foundation, and the Gunderson Training Center. 1. Talk to your child about touches. It builds trust and opens conversations to create safe and healthy relationships. 2. Have a conversation with your child about the body safety rules - Ask them what they are AND review them frequently. 3. Teach CORRECT names for all body parts including private parts. Establish that private parts are different from the rest of their body. 4. Reinforce for your child that no one should touch or look at their private parts OR ask the child to touch or look at their private parts, even if it is someone the family knows. 5. Teach consent. 6. Explain that there are times when adults do touch kids’ private parts to keep them clean and healthy. If it is a clean and healthy touch, like at the doctor’s office or a diaper change, use it as a teachable moment and a reminder your family talks about touches. 7. Tell your child to shout “no” or “stop” when someone touches or asks to touch their body or private parts. If your child freezes and isn’t able to say no, it still isn’t their fault and they can still talk to an adult. 8. Identify at least 5 trusted adults your child can talk with about touches and have their questions answered. These (5) people should not be their friends... They should be adults whose brains are developed and are capable of helping with these situations that are hard and challenging to react to. 9. Listen to their gut or “uh-oh” feeling. If someone gives them this feeling, they should move away from that person and find a trusted adult. As adults, it is important that we validate their intuition...An invalidating response can create more problems and a struggle in setting boundaries. 10. Remind your child: Touches are NEVER a secret. There is a difference between a secret and a surprise... Give examples, and help them understand what the difference is. 11. Say "NO!" Get away, and tell an adult if someone tries to get you to break a safety rule AND keep telling until someone believes you. 12. Do not talk about touches as "good" or "bad" - This confuses kids, because the reality is that bad touches do not always feel bad. 13. Check first with a parent before accepting a ride, gift, or going to a friends house. 13. PARENTS... Please know where your kids are going... ASK QUESTIONS... You have the RIGHT to know the who, what, when AND where. 14. As parents we need to trust our own gut... We don't need to provide a "WHY" to our kids... If we feel a concern about a person or situation it is our job to say "NO"... To say "NO" without needing to give an explanation, and to say "NO" without having all the evidence that we need. 15. Practice "What/If" scenarios to help kids understand what to do and when, BUT don't use people they know as examples...Use broad examples and avoid using names. These conversations are not fun, and do not guarantee that abuse won't occur, BUT it will help to reduce the possibility of it AND give them the skills to do what they need to do IF something does happen. It is important that every kid has an opportunity to be SAFE. As always, please call with questions or concerns. Stacy Schepel School Social Worker
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